Highs and Lows

**Sorry this post is long. It is also for our baby's records.

These last 24 hours has been full of both highs and lows. As our family know, we checked into the hospital last night. It started yesterday after dinner when I lost my mucus plug (sorry, I may get a bit personal). Mike had left for a service project, and I didn't want to call him because it could still be a day or two. After the dishes, I left for a walk. I made sure I went to the bathroom beforehand. After ten minutes into the walk, I had to go again and let's just say, it couldn't wait. Oh great. But it kept coming. Yay, my water is breaking. I made it home and within the hour, Mike and I were at the hospital. It turned out to not be our water, but all of it was the mucus plug. We measured 4 cm with irregular contractions. Our doctor didn't want us to go home because she was afraid that I would wait too long to come in again. We headed over to the med school and walked on the treadmill for two hours. When we went back, we were at a 5 and having contractions every 2 minutes. The surprising thing is that I still couldn't feel the contractions.

Our doctor admitted us at midnight. I figure that the contractions would start getting stronger soon, so Mike and I went to sleep. Who can sleep when they know that their baby is coming soon. Throughout the night, I was having contractions every 2-3 minutes. By 6am, the nurse told us we were 6 cm, but I still wasn't feeling any discomfort. I got up and started walking around, rocking in the rocking chair, bouncing on the ball, and doing squats. They checked me every hour, but for some reason my contractions slowed done. By noon, they were 10-15 minutes a part. The new nurse checked me again and said that I wasn't a 6, but more a 5. We called my doctor, and she came by. She checked me, and with her frame of reference when she checked me on Wednesday, she told me that I was really only 4 cm. It was too early to break my water, and Pitocin would be tough with going natural. We decided it was best to head home. This is what I wanted. I wanted to eat, shower, sleep, and labor more at home than in a hospital.

Here is the low. It sounded like from our doctor that we would be back there this night. I know it is still early, but contractions haven't increased, nor do I really feel them. I just have this fear that our baby will never come. I hate being told things that get my hopes up only to be disappointed later on. I don't deal well with disappointment (my mom told me that most people don't). I love to plan things out, so when they don't follow through, it's hard on me. It also doesn't help that the three friends of ours that were due after us already had their babies. I know I shouldn't compare, but I can't help thinking, "when is it our turn?"

I know this baby will come when she is ready, and I will probably look back at this time and laugh at these feelings. So until then, we are back at square one and playing the waiting game.